


Grey Area

by Micheofftrash



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Established Relationship, Horny Simon Lewis, Insecure Simon Lewis, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29209917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Micheofftrash/pseuds/Micheofftrash
Summary: Simon had a problem.[In which Simon learns that asexuality is a spectrum and fails to masturbate in a Motel 6, not necessarily in that order.]
Relationships: Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Grey Area

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

Simon had a problem.

Thankfully, for once, it had nothing to do with someone wanting him dead. Or Clary dead. Or the end of the world.

It was surprisingly a very human problem to have, which Simon found himself having less and less of these days, as the world continued to spin and he stayed an immortal teenager. Things like: Did I leave the stove on? Did I study enough for that exam? Do I need a new job? Is my girlfriend cheating on me?

These were things that Simon (generally) didn’t have to worry about anymore. And still, somehow, he found time to have a human problem every once and awhile, just to spice things up.

At least that’s what he was telling himself as he clutched at Raphael’s duvet cover for dear life, trying desperately to think of ways to fling himself into the sun.

“Are you okay, baby?” Raphael asked softly, pulling away slightly. He looked beautiful, with his lips swollen and a blush high in his cheeks, which wasn’t fair to Simon’s problem _at all_. Couldn’t he have some sympathy for Simon’s wellbeing?

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He stuttered after a moment, so caught up in Raphael’s presence he had forgotten to respond. “Uh, you?”

Raphael laughed and shook his head, leaning down to place another kiss on the tip of Simon’s nose. It was quite possibly the cutest thing Simon had ever seen, and he was starting to think he may not survive the night.

“I’m perfect. But you already knew that.” And just like that the spell was broken. Simon groaned, shoving Raphael off of him playfully. Raphael was still laughing quietly when he landed on the other side of the bed, already reaching his hands forward to wrap Simon up in his arms once again.

“This is why I never should have agreed to date you.” Simon grumbled, allowing himself to be pulled into the little spoon position. “I knew it would go right to your big head.”

Raphael hummed in agreement in his ear, tightening his hold briefly, and Simon hated how much it made his heart swell to have Raphael hold him like this. To feel so safe, and comfortable, and loved.

“Sleep now, _idiota_ , you can insult me more in the morning.”

Simon made a mental note to do just that before snuggling down into the bed and allowing his mind to wander as sleep slowly crept up the corners of his consciousness.

Simon had a problem, but it wasn’t something that couldn’t be handled in the morning.

\--

Raphael was asexual.

This was not the problem, necessarily. Simon had known this full-well before he had ever even considered kissing the man, and it was pretty common knowledge within the clan. Not to say that Raphael advertised this fact, but when you lived with a bunch of nosy immortal beings who had nothing better to do than be in other people’s business for all eternity, things didn’t tend to stay hidden long.

No, Raphael being asexual was not the problem. It was however, the catalyst for _another_ problem that Simon had not even considered.

He was fine not having sex, he really was. It wasn’t something that he thought was missing from his relationship, and he was truly content to spend the rest of his days holding Raphael close and getting to see all of the parts that Raphael usually hid from the world. Being allowed to see the softer sides, the vulnerable sides, was all Simon needed to be enamored completely.

So it was fine that Raphael was asexual, and it was fine that they would never have sex, and everything was _fine._

Simon’s body apparently hadn’t gotten the memo.

With all the turning undead, Valentine drama, and _fearing for his life_ , Simon had somewhat forgotten that he was a teenage boy. And the fact that he used to, uh- _take care of himself_ , at an embarrassing frequency before his world completely shifted wasn’t really helping matters.

Every time a kiss with Raphael would get too heated, or god forbid Raphael decided to go _shirtless_ (lord help him), Simon spent half the time being ridiculously turned on and half the time trying to hide his reaction as to not make Raphael uncomfortable. It did not help that Simon had not _relieved_ himself since he had started sleeping in Raphael’s room every night, too ashamed to soil Raphael’s silk sheets and too paranoid of someone (namely Raphael) strolling in and catching him in the act.

Simon’s anxiety whispered that Raphael would be disgusted, that even knowing a sexual act had been committed in his bed would be enough to finally dump Simon’s dead weight and kick him out of the clan. Again. For good this time.

His fears could be alleviated, mind you, if he would just _talk to Raphael_. Just a quick, Hey! I know you’re asexual but do you care if I jack it in our bed? Also, can I think about you while I do it?

Yeah, he’s sure that would go over well.

And so, as the days and weeks dragged on, Simon contented himself to the biggest case of blue balls ever recorded. What, it’s not like it was going to _kill him_. Raphael didn’t have to feel disgusted, Simon got to keep the love of his life, and everyone was happy.

If only his body would get with the program.

At this point, a stiff wind could have him wound up tighter than a jack-in-the-box, ready to explode at the smallest touch.

\--

The unfortunate side effect of going so long without an orgasm was the morning wood.

While his conscious mind was generous enough to allow Simon some dignity, his dreams were another problem entirely. Raphael, above him, whispering dark fantasies in his ear as a strong hand wrapped around him. The smell of Raphael’s cologne. The mischievous glint in Raphael’s eyes as Simon fell apart in front of him.

Simon would awaken with a jolt, usually alone thankfully, his boxers straining with his need to be touched. It was especially bad if he had feed the night before, fresh blood pounding through his veins seeming to have one singular destination.

Usually Simon would lay there for a moment, breathing deeply, before willing himself to think of _literally anything else_ , feeling so much guilt for even thinking of Raphael in that way that he would beat himself up for the rest of the day, unable to meet the other’s eyes.

“Simon.” Raphael said loudly from behind him, his tone indicating that it wasn’t the first time he had tried to call for Simon’s attention.

Simon startled from where he had been staring out at the city skyline, arms resting lightly against the edge of the roof of the hotel. The sun had just cleared the horizon, a gray haze descending over the city as the day let out its last breath of life before night claimed the bustling crowds. He liked the city like this; too early for a majority of people to be sleeping just yet, but still quieted down from the loudness of the day. The only time his old life and his new life could overlap, if only for a few brief moments.

He wondered what Raphael thought of this city. He wondered what Raphael thought of him.

“Raphael, hey.” He said instead, because he was weak and a coward, unable to match Raphael’s strong gaze.

He felt rather than saw Raphael come up beside him, an arm reaching out to firmly wrap around his waist from behind. The casual close contact sent butterflies through his stomach, and despite everything he leaned happily into the touch, his head coming to rest on Raphael’s shoulder.

“What are you doing up here all alone?” There’s a little tease in his voice, but Simon could hear the vestiges of worry in his tone.

“Just taking in the city. You know you can see my old high school from here?”

Simon pointed excitedly toward a grouping of buildings to the east, putting on a happy face and pushing all of his issues deep down where they would stop bothering him, if only for a moment. There wasn’t any need to bother Raphael with his bullshit, and he hated that he was causing him to worry. This certainly _wasn’t_ Raphael’s problem to deal with.

Raphael was silent for a moment, as if he were trying to decide whether to press the issue or not. Finally, he let out a small laugh, his breath puffing against the top of Simon’s head.

“I can only imagine what a delight you were in high school.” It was said dryly, heavy with sarcasm, and Simon smacked his hand against Raphael’s chest in retaliation.

“Excuse you! I’ll have you know that all my teachers loved me. Mostly. Shut up.”

Raphael was smirking, his mouth opening to no doubt insult Simon further, when Lily suddenly appeared behind them. Her lips were pursed as if she had been sucking on a lemon, undoubtedly remorseful for having to interrupt them.

“Sorry boss, we need you downstairs. The dogs have been having trouble with a rogue vamp and they want to talk to you about it.”

Simon felt rather than heard Raphael’s sigh, his chest rising and falling slowly with the action. After days of feeling on edge and insecure, Simon found that he really didn’t want Raphael to leave. Lately, it seemed like the only time he felt normal was in Raphael’s tight embrace.

Inexplicitly, Simon found himself tearing up slightly, which was just ridiculous and completely uncalled for. He turned his head back toward the city to hide his reaction, attempting to shrug off Raphael’s arm as permission for the other vampire to attend to his duties.

He expected Raphael to leave quickly, which is the only reason he let out a surprised squeak when he was spun around, his feet lifting slightly off the ground as Raphael brought their lips together in a passionate kiss. It was slow, and all encompassing, making Simon gasp for breath even as he knew he didn’t technically need to breathe.

When his feet finally found the floor, Simon opened his eyes and found Raphael staring at him with an expression he could only define as _fond._ The warmth of his gaze lit Simon on fire, and he found himself bursting with some unknown emotion deep in his chest that made him feel like he could fly and take on Valentine all at once.

“What was that for?” Simon whispered, trying to keep the awe out of his voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see where Lily had turned away to give them some semblance of privacy.

Raphael shrugged in response, giving him a rare vulnerable smile.

“I wanted to.”

Yeah, Simon was truly fucked for this man.

“Okay.” _Smooth_ , Simon. _Really smooth_.

“Okay?” Raphael pursed his lips to keep from laughing, but the amusement was clear in his eyes. “Well, thank you for permission.”

Simon rolled his eyes, shoving at Raphael’s shoulder and pushing him in Lily’s direction. “Go on now, Mr. Important, don’t you have better things to do then harass me?”

Just as Simon was turning back around to look back at the skyline, he felt Raphael grab his hand. He quirked an eyebrow in Raphael’s direction, confused by the sudden serious look on his face.

“Simon,” he spoke quietly. Simon vaguely realized that Lily had left, leaving the two of them alone on the roof once more. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

And just like that, with Raphael’s soft caring tone, his worries bubbled to the surface, begging to be brought into the light.

_Just tell him_ , they whispered. _Tell him._

“I know,” he lied with a small smile.

Raphael didn’t look convinced.

“Raphael! We don’t have all night, the dogs are stinking up the lobby!” Lily hollered from inside, presumably at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the roof.

Simon forced a light chuckle, pushing Raphael once again toward the roof entrance.

“Go, Raph, they need you.” He urged, hoping his smile would make the worried crease in Raphael’s forehead disappear.

Raphael gave his hand one last squeeze, their eyes meeting in one final glace, before he was down the stairs and out of sight. Simon let out a long breath, putting his head in his hands.

Around him, the city settled into night, dusk melting into an array of lights. A sign, perhaps, that life continued to persist, even as darkness swallowed the landscape.

Simon hoped it would be the same for him. Then he felt a bit too broody and dramatic, and promptly fled indoors to find something to offset the serious Edward Cullen vibes he was giving off. He was less than a year into his new existence, he couldn’t be getting wise and jaded just yet.

Give it a few decades, at least.

\--

As with any problem, there were multiple ways to approach the situation.

Simon had mostly stuck with complete avoidance, which was becoming more and more impossible as time marched on. While it saved him the complete embarrassment of having to bring up the issue in the first place, he had to admit that he was going somewhat insane.

He was also sure that Raphael was slowly beginning to catch on, which in and of itself twisted his stomach in knots and made him want to throw up. Raphael had been explicitly clear when they first got together that he was never going to want sex, and Simon respected this of course. Raphael was allowed to have whatever feelings toward sex that he had, and it was Simon’s job as his partner to support him.

Basically, he felt like a piece of shit.

In addition to these feelings of inadequacy and general disgust with himself, his anxiety was being a bitch. His logical brain tried to remind him of this when he began imagining a world where Raphael exiled him from New York and broke his heart because Simon wanted to masturbate every once and awhile. It was absolutely absurd, and completely outside the realm of possibility. Raphael wouldn’t just dump him after everything they had been through to be together over something that Simon couldn’t necessarily control.

_He could_ , his anxiety supplied happily, _you’ve been lying to him this whole time. You’ve been imagining him in a sexual way when you know it would make him uncomfortable. You’re a bad boyfriend._

_Not on purpose!_ Simon argued back, digging his nails into his thigh, images running through his mind without his permission. How Raphael looks when he first wakes up in the morning, the little groans he lets out when he stretches, the smooth planes of his stomach where his shirt rides up.

Simon shook his head, physically trying to dispel the thoughts from his mind as his lower regions began expressing their interest. God, he felt like he was going _crazy_.

“That’s it.” Simon almost yelled, standing up suddenly. The few vampires loitering around the lobby turned and gave him strange looks, but once they saw it was Simon they chalked it up to his usual weirdness and went back to their business.

Without sparing a moment to be offended (although, c’mon guys, he’s not _that_ weird), Simon took off, hoping that his quick departure looked more like a man on a mission and less like a desperate bid for freedom.

Thankfully, Raphael was scheduled to be in meetings with the Seelie Court, brokering some deal for territories across the river in New Jersey for the next few days. Simon tried to stay out of politics, mostly because he didn’t want to embarrass Raphael in front of important people who would _definitely_ peel off his face happily if given the chance, but also because he’d always found politics a bit boring.

Right now, he was just happy that it left him enough time for a spontaneous trip.

He’d texted Lily to let her know he was going to visit his mom, before hoping on the Amtrak and settling in for a long ride.

As the city began to disappear from view, he tried to relax, checking his phone for the millionth time, somewhat convinced that Raphael would be able to sense the second he left the city and call him demanding answers. His phone stayed blessedly silent, though Simon’s racing mind was not so lucky.

The loud static of anxiety only grew louder when he reached his destination a few blocks from the Albany Amtrak station. Despite the fact that he was hours away from anyone who would even recognize him, he found himself checking over his shoulder, just waiting for someone like Clary to pop out and ask him what he was doing.

Although, to be fair, Simon wasn’t even sure how he would answer. What _was_ he doing?

Above him, the sign for Motel 6 stared at him mockingly, its paint peeling and yellow with age. _Rooms Available_ , a handwritten sign read, _Now Cockroach Free!_

Simon couldn’t help but sigh, but eventually he straightened his back and walked toward the front office.

If avoidance wasn’t going to work, then maybe this problem required a different solution.

\--

“What the fuck!” Simon yelled, angrily tossing his pants across the room, huffing in frustration. He fell back against the pillows, staring incredulously at the ceiling above him, wishing desperately that its popcorn surface held the answers he was so desperately seeking.

_If anyone is out there_ , Simon prayed, _please smite me now. Take me from this existence and give me the sweet release of death._

After a few moments of silence, Simon knew God, or whoever, was truly a bastard. To see him, a pathetic creature, and not grant the mercy of a swift death, was truly cruel.

Where had he gone wrong?

He had thought the answer to his problem was obvious: If Simon couldn’t bang one out at home for fear of making Raphael uncomfortable, he would simply have to go somewhere else.

Dumort was out of the question, because despite the fact that most of them had their own rooms, vampires couldn’t necessarily turn off their enhanced hearing. This meant, without a doubt, that someone would hear _something,_ and Simon wasn’t sure if he would be able to look any of them in the eye again.

The institution was also out, because nothing was more suspicious than a downworlder going into a room alone for unspecified purposes, and Shadowhunters were nothing but suspicious people. Even thinking of the interrogation he would get from Clary after showing up randomly for _alone time_ was enough to make him dramatically wish he had never been brought back to life in the first place.

And really, where else was there for him to go? For the first time, Simon realized that his world had grown significantly smaller after he turned. He didn’t even have a place in the world he could go to truly be _alone_ anymore.

Thus, he found himself here, in a dirty motel room hours from home, trying to relieve some of the tension that had been building in his body for close to two months. Not only the physical, sexual tension of going so long without anything, but the emotional exhaustion of constant anxiety and self-hatred.

Here he was, finally, with the time and ability to _do_ something about it, without repercussions, without Raphael ever having to know.

And he couldn’t do it.

At first he didn’t want to think about Raphael, because it felt like a betrayal of Raphael’s sexuality. On the other hand, he couldn’t picture anyone else because it felt like cheating. Then he couldn’t get his brain to just _shut up_ for one fucking minute.

In the end he’d gotten so worked up that he couldn’t get hard, which in turn lead straight into a panic attack about _what the fuck he was doing_.

“What the fuck.” He repeated, this time in a whisper.

He was close to tears, but couldn’t even understand _why_ this was making him so emotional. It was just masturbation, for Christ’s sake.

If teenagers across America could do it, why couldn’t he?

\--

Returning to Dumort felt like defeat.

His feet felt sluggish, and all he wanted to do was curl up in sheets that smelled like Raphael and sleep for the next hundred years.

Lily, Stan, and Eliot were all standing in the lobby when he entered. Though he really wasn’t in the mood for conversation, they were standing between him and the main staircase leading up to the bedrooms.

“How was your mom?” Lily inquired as he approached, eyes sharp. Simon felt a bolt of fear go down his spine, before reassuring himself that there was _no_ possible way she could know what he had been up to. Right?

“Good- great! She’s great.” Lily continued to stare at him, and he felt exposed under her steely gaze. “Totally awesome! Just, like, fantastic. Really. Super good.”

He fidgeted, all too aware of his complete social ineptitude as Stan leaned into Eliot, whispering “ _what’s wrong with the fledgling?”_

_“_ Anyways!” Simon announced loudly, ignoring Stan and clapping his hands together in an attempt to dispel the awkward aura that seemed to follow him wherever he went. “I’m off to bed. Long day and all that. Ta-ta!”

_“Ta-ta?”_ Eliot whispered, confused.

Simon was already up the stairs before he could see Stan’s shrug in response.

\--

When Raphael finally returned to the Hotel, it was to find Simon stretched out on their bed, long limbs flung in every direction. He smiled at the sight, dropping his briefcase next to the doorway.

“You’re home.” Simon whispered, eyes opened into sleepy crescents. He reached out as Raphael approached the bed, grabbing one of his hands and snuggling it like a teddy bear against his chest. Raphael laughed, using his free hand to card through Simon’s curls.

“I missed you, baby.”

And god, Simon’s heart just melted. Leave it to cold-stone Santiago to be the most romantic creature on the planet.

Simon was in love with him.

“Missed you too.” He mumbled happily, kissing the back of Raphael’s hand before releasing it from his hold. He sat up as Raphael walked away toward his closet, no doubt getting ready to change out of his suit after a long business trip.

“What sort of trouble did you get into while I was away?” He asked, glancing back at Simon briefly before hanging up his suit jacket.

And that should have been a fairly innocent question. Simon was ready, details of his non-existent trip to his mother’s house sitting on the tip of his tongue, prepared and rehearsed to sound believable and completely uninteresting, but something stopped him short. Something about the way Raphael had asked, as if he were actually _invested_ in what Simon had done during their time apart, as if he _cared_. Who was Simon, to meet that sincerity with lies?

This was Raphael Santiago. Leader of the New York Clan. The man he was in love with.

Nothing else should matter, after that.

_You should tell him._

“I have something to tell you.” Simon blurted, his entire body tensing as he realized that he had actually said that. Out loud. “Or ask you. Something to ask you.”

Raphael paused, turning away from his closet to give Simon a calculated glance. Simon wasn’t sure if it was because he looked scared shitless, or just the tone of his voice, but Raphael quickly came to join him on the bed, taking Simon’s shaking hands in his own.

Then, after a moment of silence,

“Are you finally going to explain what’s been bothering you?” It wasn’t an accusation, but Simon flinched anyways. He should have known that Raphael would notice. It wasn’t as though Simon was exactly subtle when something was going on with him. He had always worn his anxiety on his sleeve.

Raphael’s hand came up to rub between his shoulder blades reassuringly.

“Yes. No.” Simon bit his lip. “Yes.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything.” Raphael echoed the words he had spoken on the roof, all those days ago, and Simon nodded, feeling every ounce of courage leave his body in one fell swoop.

“Promise you won’t be mad. Please.”

“Baby,” Raphael said, worried, before wrapping his arm around Simon’s middle to bring them closer together, until there was no space left between them. “What’s this about?”

“Promise me.” Simon demanded, somewhat desperately.

Raphael sighed through his nose. “I promise.”

And then it was silent. Simon appreciated that Raphael was giving him time to get his thoughts together, as the overwhelming cloud of anxieties and frustration seemed to overtake anything else in his head. Where was he even supposed to begin?

“You’re hot.”

Is what eventually came out of his mouth, after a few minutes of sitting, waiting for the right words to come.

“… Thank you?” Raphael cleared his throat in surprise, shifting slightly, and Simon groaned, putting his head in his hands once again.

“No, wait, that’s not what I- not that you’re not hot, because like, _damn_ , you know? But that’s not what I meant to say, I just-” Simon huffed, feeling his frustration building.

“Hey,” Raphael said gently, taking Simon’s face into his hands, placing the gentlest kiss against the tip of his lip. “Whatever it is, we’ll work through it together, okay? No one is going to be mad.”

“Okay.” Simon repeated, taking a deep breath.

And then,

“So, I used to masturbate a lot right? Erm, right well, uh. I haven’t been. At all. And the thing is, you’re asexual. Which is, like, awesome! Love that for you, love that for us, definitely nothing wrong with that. Loving the _ace-ness_ in this relationship. I guess I just, well sometimes, I still feel- not that I would want anything more from you! You’re perfect. I just worry, you know, about making you uncomfortable or like, disgusting you, and then you break up with me forever which is _not_ great because for us, forever is eternity. And you’re just really hot, so sometimes we kiss and I start to feel things and then I freak out because like, obviously I respect you and wouldn’t ever want to put you in that position, and now I’ve been dreaming and I’m starting to think thoughts that I don’t want to have and-”

“Simon, baby, breathe.”

Simon took a gasping breath, and was only mildly mortified to find that he was tearing up. Again.

“I’m sorry.” Is what he settled for, because out of all this, Simon had mostly just been feeling very, very guilty.

“Oh, _amor,_ is this really what’s had you so worried?” Raphael whispered in his ear, pulling him into a deep hug. Simon could do nothing to resist, simply going where Raphael moved them until he was firmly snuggled against his chest, face buried in Raphael’s neck.

“Yes.” He answered quietly. Raphael just tutted at him, tightening his hold.

“Firstly,” Raphael began, voice soft, “I could never find you disgusting. Ever. I should have explained myself better, when all this started, but sex doesn’t repulse me like it does with some people who are asexual. I simply don’t feel sexual attraction, which means that I’m never going to want anything done to me, or feel that desire for someone else.”

Simon nodded against Raphael’s neck so he would know that he was still listening.

“So, if you need to,” Raphael paused, as if he were searching for the right word, “ _relieve_ yourself, I won’t mind. And I certainly don’t mind if you get those feelings because of me.”

Simon lifted his face to give Raphael a surprised look.

“Really?”

Raphael couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression. “Yes, really.”

“So it’s okay if I, you know-” he cut himself off, putting his face back in Raphael’s neck out of embarrassment. “And I think about you, when you’re not here?”

“Simon,” Raphael said, exasperated. “I wouldn’t care if I _was_ here, okay?”

Which, wow, okay, that was definitely putting thoughts in Simon’s head that he should not be thinking about while here, on Raphael lap. Thoughts that he has been trying to fight for a very long time. Thoughts like; Raphael watching him. Raphael telling him what to do. Raphael whispering in his ear how much he loved him as he-

“Oh.” Raphael said, surprise and amusement lacing his voice as he noticed how quiet Simon had gotten after his comment. “I see. So that’s something that you’ve…”

“No!” Simon said quickly, then backtracked, “Well, not on purpose? I’ve been having these… dreams.” Simon stammered, feeling flustered beyond belief. His blush was so severe he was sure Raphael would be able to feel the heat of it against his skin.

“About what?” Raphael prompted, and Simon could hear the smirk in his voice.

“You know about what, don’t be smug.” Simon grumbled. Raphael just laughed, light and carefree, rolling them until Simon was beneath him.

“Oh, don’t be shy, fledgling.” Raphael teased, and Simon barely had a second to get used to the new position before Raphael leaned down and captured his lips.

Simon didn't worry about much else, after that.

\--

Simon had a problem.

Thankfully, for once, it had nothing to do with someone wanting him dead. Or Clary dead. Or the end of the world.

It was surprisingly a very human problem to have, one that he had never had to deal with before, even as a human.

“ _Te amo,_ ” Raphael whispered, reverent.

“I love you, too.” Simon echoed, putting everything into it, knowing that it wasn’t enough to express the depth and complexity of his emotions. The fire that burned through him at every touch, every glance.

Simon had a problem, because _I love you_ would never be enough to encompass what Raphael made him feel.

But hey, at least he had an eternity to figure it out.

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has been out of this fandom for a long time, I'm not quite sure why I felt compelled to write these characters again, but I was really excited to explore aspects of asexuality, as I've just recently come out as ace (Raphael was always one of my favorite characters and I never knew why. Imagine my surprise when I come out as ace years later lol). 
> 
> Reminder: People who identify as ace can experience asexuality differently; some are sex-repulsed, others just don't experience sexual attraction, some people are grey-ace or demisexual. Some are also aromantic. It all really depends on the person. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't be asexual just because you don't fit into a certain box. Also, the key to any happy and successful relationship with asexuality (or without it) is COMMUNICATION :D
> 
> Love ya'll xx


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